


Counting Every Blessing

by tale_to_tell



Series: Destiel deserves better [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parent John Winchester, Blood and Injury, Caring Sam Winchester, Case Fic, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has Abandonment Issues, Dean Winchester Has Issues, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Happy Ending, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Sam Winchester, Temporary Character Death, Worried Castiel (Supernatural), Worried Sam Winchester, mentioned - Freeform, they deserve it okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21629665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tale_to_tell/pseuds/tale_to_tell
Summary: There was a case. There was always a case. Some creature was attacking its victims and infecting them. The victims would have high fevers and hallucinations. They would spend hours calling out to people they knew, sometimes people they hated or sometimes people they loved. Then the victims would begin to cry. They would cry and cry and blood would drip from their eyes and their choking sobs would become hacking coughs that brought up more blood. They would die.Of course Dean Winchester got infected.Castiel had no idea how to save him, but he wasn't giving up without a fight.Renamed from "Make a Wish" to "Counting Every Blessing"
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Series: Destiel deserves better [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559521
Comments: 14
Kudos: 394





	Counting Every Blessing

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly I do not own Supernatural, which is one reason why Destiel is not canon (yet)

Castiel stared upon the body in the morgue, feeling nothing but disconnected pity. He was too tired and stressed to feel anymore sadness or sympathy. Castiel had been on this case with the Winchesters for four weeks already, and they still had no clue what was happening. There had been seventeen victims, which had been worrisome for the real FBI. Now that they were investigating it made the hunters' job all the more difficult.

Castiel sighed, scrutinizing the victim's body ever more. Whatever the creature did, somehow it made the victims run a high fever and hallucinate. The victims would cry out to people they knew, sometimes people they hated and sometimes people they loved, and they would say things in a language no one understood. There were no clues as to what causes this. There had to have been something Castiel missed, something that connected the victims to each other and their killer. So far there had been only one overlap, but that was because both had attended the same church and it was more likely a coincidence than anything. The victims were of varying age, gender, and race. There was no pattern for Castiel to recognize, nothing that stood out from the victims.

Dean and Sam studied the body with him. He knew they were exhausted, it was painfully obvious. Sam's hair was somewhat greasy and the shadows under his eyes were extremely pronounced. He spent all his time researching and asking other hunters if they'd ever experience something like this before. Dean was faring no better. Castiel wasn't sure he'd slept more than three consecutive hours a night in the past week. He wasn't eating much either. Castiel noticed how unenthusiastic he'd been recently when it came to food. This case was taking a toll on them.

There was a possible connection, but it was very unlikely. Each victim had been to the mall in the days leading their deaths. It wasn't a good lead, the city was small and many people went to the mall on a daily or weekly basis, but it was the only place they could begin to search. Unfortunately, in the time they'd spent searching the mall, nothing had stood out. It was completely ordinary.

"Shall we try the mall again?" Castiel asked tiredly. Dean and Sam looked at him with weary eyes.

"It wouldn't hurt." Sam answered, and Dean scoffed bitterly. They left the morgue and Dean drove them to the mall. It wasn't very crowded, it was the middle of the day after all.

"Let's split up." Dean suggested. "Cover more ground faster that way." Sam frowned.

"Are you sure, Dean?" He said. "What if we get attacked or something?"

"You know what, man? I don't fucking care what this little bitch is, I just want to find it already. I'm going to kill it with my bare hands if I have to. Take Castiel with you if it'll make your pansy-ass feel better." Then Dean was stomping away, scowl on his face. Sam sighed and turned to look at Castiel.

"Do not worry, Sam." Castiel said, gently placing a hand on Sam's shoulder. "He is not truly upset with you."

"I know, Cas." Sam said, giving a small smile. "Thanks though." Castiel nodded and removed his hand, deciding to follow Sam wherever Sam wanted. Castiel would rather go with Dean, but it seemed Dean wanted to be alone.

"C'mon, Cas." Sam said, waving a hand. Castiel let out a slow breath and followed Sam. Maybe this time they would find something

*****

Dean was having a really awful month. This case had been dragging on forever, and they were no closer to finding the monster. So many people had died already, and Dean was pissed. He walked around the mall, grumbling to himself and shooting angry glares at any mall workers who approached him. It probably wasn't the wisest thing to do, but Dean was far beyond caring.

"Sir?" Dean paused, rolling his eyes.

_Please go away, please go away._

"Sir, are you alright?" Even Dean could not outright ignore someone. He sighed and turned to look at the worker who'd stop him. A young lady stood in front of him. She was frowning.

"I'm fine, thanks." Dean replied, teeth gritted. The lady smiled then.

"Oh good," she said, "I was worried." Dean did not say anything else, hoping this was the end of their conversation.

"Would you like to make a wish for hungry children?" She asked brightly.

"Excuse me?" Dean said gruffly, squinting his eyes at her. The girl only smiled wider and gestured to a small, portable fountain set near the wall behind her. It had a sign reading, "Make a Wish for Hungry Children!"

"We're asking people to donate just a quarter to help feed hungry children around America." The lady explained happily. "Donors can toss their coin into the fountain and make a wish. Many people do that in mall fountains already, so we thought having our own fountain would bring in some more donors."

"Uh, I guess." Dean said, fumbling for his wallet. It was only a quarter anyways. He took out the coin and showed her. The lady's eyes brightened even more, somehow, and she led them back towards the fountain. Dean lightly tossed the coin in, watching it splash and sink to the bottom.

"Thank you for your donation," the lady said, "and don't forget to make a wish!" Dean just barely refrained from rolling his eyes. Fine. He shut his eyes momentarily and thought.

_I wish to solve this fucked up case already._

The lady watched him patiently.

"Uh, have a good day." Dean said, then he turned and left. Enough of that nonsense. He had a monster to catch.

A shiver went up his spine as he walked and Dean shuttered. He stopped and looked around. The lady was gone from her spot, oddly enough. Dean shivered again and huffed. He was so ready to be done with this hunt.

* * * * *

Dean rejoined Sam and Castiel just as the store was about to close. He could tell by Dean's hunched shoulders and grunts that he'd had about the same luck as they did.

"Want to get dinner, Dean?" Sam asked. They all entered the Impala, with Sam in the passenger's seat.

"Sure." Dean grumbled, turning the key in the ignition and then reversing. They drove in silence, and then later sat at a diner in silence. A waitress came to take their orders, at first flirting with Dean. She quickly notice their tense atmosphere, though, and that shut her up. Castiel couldn't help but feel a bit smug at that.

"I'll have the salad, please." Sam said. He handed the waitress their menus, then gave the rest of their orders. "He won't be having anything, and he'll take a burger and a beer."

"Just water for me, actually." Dean corrected, voice low. Both Sam and Castiel glanced at him in surprise.

"You sure, Dean?" Sam asked. Dean only nodded.

"Alright, I'll get that for you right away." The waitress said. She gave a quick smile and then was off to help the next customers.

"Dean, you haven't been eating much lately." Castiel said worriedly.

"Not hungry." Dean mumbled, staring down at the table. Castiel and Sam exchanged a look.

"Not even beer?" Sam asked. Castiel frowned and stared at Dean.

_What's wrong with him? Is he just being moody?_

"Should we try checking out the bar tonight?" Sam asked, changing the subject. "I know that some kids died, but maybe they snuck in or something? Lots of the victims went there too."

"I think we'd better be safe than sorry." Castiel said in agreement.

"You guys go," Dean said, "I'm going to turn in." He was staring at the table again, so he did not see the shocked looks that crossed both Sam's and Castiel's faces.

"Dean," Castiel started, leaning across the table, "are you alright?"

"I'm just peachy, Cas." Dean said with a roll of his eyes. "Just a little tired." Castiel was floored. Dean _never_ admitted to being tired. Something must be terribly wrong. A quick look at Sam showed that he thought the same. Castiel reached out, too fast for Dean to protest, and placed a hand against his forehead. Dean pulled back immediately, but not quickly enough.

"You're a little warm," Castiel said, "and your heart rate is faster than it should be."

"Alright, let's go back." Sam said. "We can check out the bar tomorrow, we all deserve a night of rest anyways." He got up to ask the waitress to give him the salad to go, and Castiel ushered Dean out to the Impala.

"Quit your fussing," Dean said, swatting at Castiel, "I'm not that sick, and I'm still driving." Castiel relented. He knew to pick and choose his battles. Castiel slid in to the passenger's side, he figured Sam wouldn't mind sitting in the back for one drive. Sam did not say anything when he entered the car, and once again they were quiet the entire drive.

The motel was quickly becoming one of Castiel's least favorite places. It was dirty and dark and nothing seemed to work. Dean and Sam seemed to be growing tired of it too. They shuffled in to the too-small room and Dean dropped into one of the beds with a groan. Sam set up his computer at the small table and began his research once again. Castiel sat opposite of him, sitting stiff in the chair as he monitored Dean. Sam typed away at his computer and Dean began to snore softly on the bed.

Their relative peace did not last long. A couple of hours later, around 10:30, Dean began to stir on the bed. Castiel, who had been watching him intently, perked up when Dean shifted. Sam glanced up too, pausing in his work.

"Dean?" Castiel asked. Dean did not reply, but he did let out a strangled groan. Castiel jumped up from the chair and rushed to place his hand on Dean's forehead.

"He's burning up." Castiel said, shooting Sam a panicked look. Sam also touched Dean's forehead, only to pull back quickly.

"Fuck." He murmured, eyes wide. "Fuck, is he infected?" Castiel felt his heart skip a beat.

"I'm not sure." Said Castiel, swallowing roughly and looking down at Dean's prone form.

"Fuck," Sam swore again, "I'm, um, I'm going to get him some ice packs. Try to keep him cool. If your mojo doesn't work then just put him in the shower." Sam waited only for Castiel's nod of affirmation, and then he was out the door. Castiel looked back to Dean and reached out once again, this time trying to pour his grace into Dean. Dean's temperature went down minutely, but for the most part Castiel's grace was rejected. He frowned. Dean was still much too hot.

"I apologize, Dean." Castiel said softly. He picked Dean up off of the bed and flew them to the bathroom. Grimacing, Castiel used his grace to remove all but Dean's boxers. He turned the shower on and plugged the tub so that water began to fill up. Castiel gently placed Dean down into the bathtub, freezing when Dean cried out.

"Dean?" Castiel asked, reaching out to brush away some of the hair from Dean's face. His eyes were screwed up tightly, and his mouth formed soundless words. Castiel took a steadying breath and resumed his task of submerging Dean's body in water.

"No," came a quiet whimper. Castiel's eyes darted up to Dean's face again, but his eyes were still closed.

"It's okay, Dean." Castiel whispered. "I've got you." Dean frowned and twisted.

"No," he whined, shifting more, " 'm sorry." Castiel bit his lip, feeling terrible.

"It's not your fault, Dean." He said. "You're okay." The water covered only up to Dean's waist.

"Sammy," Dean whispered, "Sammy, 'm sorry."

"Dean, you're alright." Castiel tried, brushing a hand through Dean's hair. Dean whimpered but was quiet again. Castiel sat next to the tub, uncertain on what else to do. He could only wait for the water to cover up Dean's body.

Sam returned around ten minutes later, holding two plastic bags. He peered into the bathroom and frowned.

"How is he?" Sam asked.

"About the same." Castiel answered. Sam's eyebrows furrowed as he stared at Dean, expression full of worry and concern.

"Any hallucinations?" He asked, stepping fully into the bathroom.

"Yes," Castiel answered with a sigh. Sam was pensive for a moment.

"Let's get him back on the bed." He decided. "Don't dry him, though." Castiel nodded and used his grace again to move Dean to his bed. Sam began placing ice packs on specific parts of Dean's body. Dean whined.

"Sammy?" He rasped. Sam stilled and looked expectantly to Dean.

"Yeah, Dean?"

"Please don't go." Dean begged, voice barely audible, and Castiel felt awful.

"Dean," Sam said sadly, "I'm not going anywhere." Dean groaned and moved closer to Sam. His eyes opened and he blinked blearily up at Sam.

"I'm sorry," Dean said, reaching out to Sam, "Dad didn't mean it." Sam tensed and his eyes hardened.

"Dad didn't mean to what, Dean?"

Dean only shook his head and said again, "Dad didn't mean to, Sammy." Sam sighed.

"Okay, Dean." He said. "I believe you." Dean relaxed and looked up to the ceiling.

"He loves you." He said softly. Castiel watched Sam's expression changed once again to something sadder and darker. Castiel felt as though he was intruding on a private moment, but he didn't want to leave and Sam didn't ask him to.

"I'm sure he does, Dean." Sam said. "He loves you too." Dean closed his eyes briefly and looked back at Sam.

"He doesn't." He said, so absolutely certain. "He loves you, Sammy." Sammy bit his lip and shifted.

"He can love us both."

"He doesn't." Dean repeated. "He loves you." Castiel looked away.

"Dad loves you, Dean. He's just bad at showing it." Sam sounded so crushed.

There was a moment of silence and then, "If he loves me then why does he hit me?"

Castiel's head snapped back towards Dean just as Sam inhaled sharply.

"What, Dean?" Sam questioned urgently. "Dad hits you?" Dean stared at him for a second, his glazed eyes clearing for only a second.

"He won't hurt you Sammy, don't worry." Sam's mouth tightened into a line.

"I won't let him, Sammy, don't worry." And then his eyes were blank again. Sam stared at his brother for a second. Castiel shifted closer.

"Are you okay?" He asked hesitantly. Sam did not respond right away.

"I always suspected that Dad..." his voice trailed off, "but I hoped it wasn't true." Castiel breathed deeply but stayed silent.

"How's his temperature?" Sam asked. His voice was hoarse, but Castiel didn't mention it. He pressed his hand to Dean's forehead again and frowned.

"Better but still too hot." He told Sam.

"Your mojo isn't working?"

"No." Castiel answered, feeling a twinge if guilt. Sam only nodded.

"Okay, let's put him in the tub again." Cas had not emptied the tub, so it was simple to just fly Dean and the ice packs to the bathroom. Castiel adjusted Dean in the tub so he wouldn't slip, then made room for Sam to sit next to him. Sam had his computer and was doing research again.

"I'm getting the mall security cameras feed." Sam told Castiel. "Hopefully we can see what happens to him." It hadn't worked for the other victims, but Castiel prayed Dean was the exception. The victims only lived a day or two at most before passing away, and Dean had been ill for probably around 4 hours. They should have, at the least, 20 hours left. With Winchester luck it would probably be less.

"Cas?" Cas looked to Dean, breath quickening.

"Yes, Dean?" Dean stared at him, then smiled.

"Hey, Cas." He whispered. "I missed you." Castiel felt a pang in his chest.

"I missed you too, Dean." Dean's smile grew impossibly brighter. His eyes fluttered shut again and he was out. Sam's eyes had not strayed from his computer during the quick conversation, and Castiel was grateful.

Sam found something around an hour later. It had taken him a while to filter through the correct cameras at the correct times to find Dean in the mall. They watched as a lady approached Dean and the two chatted. There wasn't audio, much to the frustration of Castiel and Sam, so there was no way of knowing what was being said. They saw Dean toss a coin into a small fountain and leave. It seemed perfectly normal. Then there was a glitch on the screen, and the lady was gone.

"There!" Castiel exclaimed, though Sam was already rewinding. They watched the clip several times and saw it did the same thing. Before, they had to speed a bit through the footage of the other victims at the mall before because there was so much to watch and not enough time. Now, they searched for a time when they threw a coin into a fountain. The monster who approached them appeared differently each time, but Sam and Castiel had found the connection. If only they could understand that connection.

Dean began muttering. Castiel leaned closer to try to hear what he was saying.

"What is it?" Sam asked, pushing forward.

"Enochian." Castiel answered, stunned.

"What?" Sam looked between Castiel and Dean. "What the hell is he saying?"

"He's saying," Castiel paused and leaned closer, "he's saying that he made a wish." Sam frowned and started typing.

"Like, with a genie?" He asked, scrolling through the results.

"No," Castiel answered, his heart sinking, "I believe I know what it is." Sam watched him expectantly.

"I don't know the name of the being," Castiel started slowly, "I know it is the offspring of a genie and a djinn. It requires the victim to make a wish, then causes the victim to believe that whatever they wished was destroyed or changed in the most horrible of ways. The creature feeds off its victims' pain and moves to the next when the victim dies." His voice was almost monotone as he came to a terrible realization: he had no idea how to save Dean Winchester.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked. "Destroyed or changed how?" Castiel refused to meet his eyes, instead he focused on Dean's slack face.

"Basically, the monster causes the victim to believe the opposite of their wish has come true. If someone wishes for millions of dollars, they dream they are the poorest in the world. If someone wishes for another to love them back, they believe the other hates them with all their heart."

"Damn," Sam breathed, "what did Dean wish?" Castiel frowned.

"I cannot tell." He answered. "And as far as I know, there is no way to cure one who is infected." His words were met with absolute silence. Castiel waited several minutes before turning to look at Sam. Sam stared back at him, tears flowing unhindered down his cheeks. He wiped roughly at them, but it did nothing to stem the flow. Belatedly, Castiel realized he was crying too. Sam reached out and pulled Castiel into a hug.

"We'll find a way." He promised. "We always do."

 _'Not this time.'_ Castiel thought bitterly, ducking his head into Sam's shoulder. They sat together for a while, until Dean started to hallucinate again.

"Sammy," Dean mumbled, "come back. Please, Sammy." His eyes opened again, but it was like they were staring through Castiel and Sam.

"I'm here, Dean." Sam said, sniffing. "I'm here for you." He reached out to hold Dean's hand, but Dean showed no reaction.

"Sammy?" It was torture, having to listen to Dean call and beg for his brother to return. Sam tried to let Dean know that he was here, but it was to no avail. Dean began mumbling Enochian again, in between his cries for Sam, and Castiel was able to determine what he wished for.

"He wanted to solve this case." Castiel told Sam. "He must believed he failed and you have left him. It's possible the fever caused a different hallucination earlier that involved your father." Sam looked struck by those words.

"Cas!" Cas's breath got caught in his throat. He was faintly relieved that Dean cared for him so much he would hallucinate him too, but mostly Castiel was terrified of having to listen to Dean, the thing he loved most in the entire universe, believe that Castiel had abandoned him.

"We've got to figure out a way to stop this." Sam said, a hint of determination flaring up in his eyes.

"The only way I know how to kill the creature is after it's victim has died." Castiel responded with a sigh. Sam went back to furiously typing away at his computer, and Castiel went back to listening to Dean.

Their night was spent that way. Dean would cry and beg for them to stay, and there was nothing they could do to make him realize they were with him. It was obvious he was growing worse. His fever stayed constant but it was still too high, and his hallucinations became more frequent. Sometime around 8:00 in the morning, Sam sighed and looked at Castiel.

"How do you kill it?" His tone was cold and hard, and he clearly planned to argue with whatever method Castiel explained. Castiel admired his determination.

"Once the victim dies, the creature will return to its hunting grounds. It will seek out the human with the strongest and most substantial wish, and then it will trick the human into making a wish. An angel blade should be enough to kill it, but you have to stun it by making a wish first. You have to wish that you fail and the creature kills you. It's supposed to make you believe the opposite of what you wish, which in this case it would make you believe you have beaten the creature and killed it. This would bring you happiness, and not the negative emotions it feeds on. Obviously it will either try to look for a loophole or reject your wish, which gives you time to strike." Castiel explained. Sam listened attentively.

"How will we know if we have the strongest and most substantial wish?" He asked.

"By already having a wish in mind, you've made it strong. This wish would greatly impact your life and the lives of others, which makes it substantial. It is nearly certain the creature would be drawn to you." Castiel replied. "The creature cannot read minds, only emotions, so this allows you to wish for whatever you want even if it's not your true wish." 

"Does Dean have to die?" Sam pressed. Castiel sighed and looked away.

"His heart would need to stop." He answered.

"What about brain activity?" Sam questioned. Castiel did not like where this was headed.

"He would need to be brain dead for at least a second." Castiel answered. Sam nodded, shifting as he pondered the information.

"Could you keep his heart going and let it stop just as his brain dies?" He asked. Castiel looked at Dean for a moment. Dean was, blessedly, asleep.

"I could try." He answered softly. "But I don't know if I could bring him back."

"Okay," Sam breathed. "Okay." Sam stood up and left the bathroom. Castiel listened as Sam moved around the motel room. He returned with a bag packed.

"That's what we have to do." He said, completely certain.

"Sam," Castiel said, "I don't know if I can bring Dean back from this. It is a strong possibility that he will die."

"He's already dying!" Sam nearly shouted as he gestured at his unconscious brother. Castiel flinched. "He should have, like, at least 12 more hours but he's already almost gone!" That was painfully true.

"It's possible the strength and substance of the wish has a direct impact on how long one can survive for." Castiel admitted. "It probably has sped up for him." Sam sagged against the wall, eyes screwed shut tightly.

"Cas," he started brokenly, "I have no idea what other way to save him. You have no idea on what other way to save him. This is the only thing we've got. We have to try." Castiel swallowed.

"So we should... let him die, briefly, and hope that I am powerful enough to jumpstart his heart?" He asked, in an almost mocking tone. Sam met his gaze and nodded slowly.

"Alright," Castiel sighed, feeling tears again. Sam did not look happy because of his win, if anything he looked more depressed.

"I'm going to go wait at the mall." He said. "In case Dean deteriorates faster than you can hold him and the creature is released before I can get to it." Castiel said nothing, though he offered his angel blade to Sam. He watched as Sam left the bathroom and listened as Sam exited the motel room. God, Castiel hoped this would work. He could not bear to live without Dean Winchester. He had tried before, but that wasn't living. There was no warmth, or color, or feeling without Dean. Castiel wouldn't be able to go on without him, this he knew for certain. And so both the angel and the hunter were resigned to their fates.

Sam had been gone maybe two hours when Dean went absolutely berserk. He flailed around in the bathtub and screamed himself mad. Castiel had to hastily put up grace-powered silencers to keep any nosy motel workers away.

"Sammy!" Dean screeched, yanking at Castiel's arm. "Sammy, come back! Please! You're my family!"

"Sam's here, Dean." Castiel said, trying to keep Dean still so he wouldn't accidentally hurt himself. "He's here and he loves you." Dean stared directly into Castiel's eyes, though Cas knew he saw nothing, and began to cry. Red flowed from Dean's eyes and Castiel felt his heart clench. He texted Sam quickly to let him know that the creature would be arriving soon. Much too soon. Castiel hadn't expected Dean to die like this. Perhaps he should have, but he hadn't and now Castiel _wasn't ready_. He wasn't ready to give up the love of his life, the one he fought for, rebelled for, _fell_ for over and over again. Castiel would do it all in a second, if Dean wanted him to. If Dean needed him to. But now, here they were with Dean nearly out of his mind and dying in Castiel's arms.

Dean sobbed and choked out blood and Castiel felt himself sob in response. He flew them to the bed so that he could hold Dean properly, keeping him cool didn't matter much now anyways.

"Sammy!" Dean wailed, blood dripping down his chin.

"He didn't leave." Castiel cried upon deaf ears. "He's here still!" Dean seized violently in his arms, shaking on the bed. Castiel clutched him tightly, ignoring how tears spilled down his cheeks.

"Dean, be still. Please." Miraculously, Dean did still. He stared up, as if seeing Castiel, and Castiel allowed himself to hope that maybe -

"Don't leave me, Cas." Dean begged, effectively tearing Castiel's heart.

"I will never leave you, my beloved." Castiel promised, wishing so much that he could kiss Dean and make him better.

"Cas, I'll die without you, please." God, this had to be the cruelest of torture.

"I'm here, darling, I'm here for you." Castiel brushed Dean's hair from his eyes and pulled him closer, not carrying how the blood from Dean's eyes and the blood from Dean's mouth stained Castiel's trench coat. It didn't matter. Dean began choking and convulsing in Castiel's arms.

"Dean!" He cried. "Dean!"

"Cas," and Dean was looking straight into his eyes like he _knew_ Castiel was right there, "I love you."

Time itself stopped. Castiel stared at Dean in absolute horror. Because there was no way Dean could love him. There was no way this perfect soul, this righteous man, could love such an imperfect failure such as himself. And if it were true, if there was any sort of hope that maybe Dean did return his affections, it should not be discovered like this. It should not be discovered here and now, as Dean feebly clung to Castiel's body and feebly clung to life.

"Don't go, Cas, I love you." Castiel would die with Dean Winchester.

"I love you too, Dean." He promised. "I love you so much." Dean was staring straight into Castiel's eyes and Castiel saw a smile touch his lips, a _smile_ during this time of pain and depression, and then Dean's eyes were fluttering closed and Dean's body was limp in Castiel's arms and Dean Winchester was dead to the world.

Castiel felt Dean's heart stop (and Castiel's heart shriveled and died).

Castiel felt Dean's brain stop (and Castiel's brain short circuited forever).

All hell broke loose.

"Dean!" Castiel screamed, voices of his true form joining the mix and he felt his wings flare up across the different planes of existence. He poured every ounce of grace he had into Dean's lifeless body, praying, begging that it would be enough.

Castiel waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And Dean Winchester's eyes flew open and he was breathing and suddenly Castiel was alive again.

"Dean!" He sobbed, clutching the man as tightly as he could.

"Cas," came the hoarse reply (and Castiel broke into more sobs). There was a text tone from his phone and Castiel knew it was from Sam. He had to tell Sam that Dean was alive, and he had to know that that vile monster was dead.

"I've got it." Dean said, voice deep and right into Castiel's ear and Castiel sobbed because he didn't think he'd ever hear Dean speak again. He felt Dean lean over and take Castiel's phone. He heard Dean type something and he heard the message send. Then Dean was pulling Castiel close to him.

"I love you." Castiel said, still crying.

"I heard." Dean answered. "I love you too." Then Castiel was shoving forward and forcing his lips against Dean's in a brutal and claiming kiss because Dean Winchester was Castiel's (and, more importantly, he was saved).

"I love you!" Castiel said, breaking for air before diving back in. Dean mumbled his response against Castiel's lips but Castiel was too far gone to care. He shoved Dean back, loving the way Dean melted and went pliant in his arms, and kissed Dean for all he was worth.

Dean's wish had come true. 

And so had Castiel's. 

**Author's Note:**

> probably quite ooc... hope I did an okay job writing angst  
> new to writing fics so constructive criticism appreciated


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